how to make vegan sannakji

heading off for the navy. take it easy, world.

one tined forks and other knives

andy mp3 hosted by http://www.clickcaster.com/

played it on an out of tune piano in about a million takes as i don't play the piano. this was the least bad take. enjoy.

andy song (mp3)

i tried to write a song for andy
just the other day
i strummed every chord that i knew
from a# up to a
tried to find one that befit him
but none of them could convey
chasing him's like chasing a photon
it'll always slip away

read the oxford english dictionary
to get just right what i'd say
but every single word
made the rainbow he is look gray
chasing him's like chasing a photon
he will always slip away

sang the most perfect melody
that i ever may
time nearly froze and butterflys wept
even bent the sunshine's rays
but chasing him's like chasing a photon
he will always slip away
chasing him's like chasing a photon
and i'm no bose-einstein condensate

salt vs. pepper - battle of the titans

kendal mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

after getting back the recorder i recorded andy's song and it was terrible so i made this one up instead. which i guess means i have to make one for trent now. bummer. jk trent.

kendal song (mp3)

kendal the flower on your family tree
i would help you study
but i made an f in chemistry
kendal graduation's growing near
soon you will be qualified
to be an unemployed engineer
kendal you think faster than machines
you'll make all the other vet students
look like they're on ketamine
kendal you are so very cute
you could make sick animals
feel better just by seeing you

amadeo avogadro was a punk

kendal you and hannah have a bond
i would say that it's covalent
but she will not share her electrons
kendal your fitness advice cannot fail
'cause at both sport and nutrition
you really excel
kendal when your friends go catch a show
you stay at home studying
the intricacies of bingo
kendal there is not much else to say
besides i mentioned everything
i know about you anyway

examples of the smallest known megafauna

zoosong mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

an oldie but a goodie.

zoo song (mp3)

tony and emily took me to
see the wonders of tulsa zoo
we had such famous fun out about
watched a couple as they made out

stood in awe
when we saw
long as his trunk
the elephant's junk
failed to see
rhinoceri
one more try
rhinoceri

we loved the cheetahs and meerkats there
the lions, tigers, oh my, bears
tried to count up all the zebra's spots
bought some lackluster dippin' dots

cussed a lot
in front of tots
saw some potty
drank pibb and dasani
broke my head
on the web
i'm still alive
we should've stayed 'til five

it was nice the weather sure was great
too bad i didn't have a date
which i'm sure later got a big laugh
from the reticulated giraffe

well at least i'm not locked up in a zoo

this song more crudely done than the semi-truck graphic in frogger

katy mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

sorry i never update. here's one from a few months back.

katy song (mp3)

has anybody seen
our little katy t
she has got some curly hairs
and wears shoes that are largely ketchup free

she's going back to england
cause she missed riding the tube
eating parmesan m&m's
and spelling colour with a "u"

she's majoring in elementary education
recently transferred from the college of photovoltaics
now she spends all of her time watching arrested development
when not creating pompeiiesque mosaics

smokin' glowsticks like a rasta
then she'll munch on some dry pasta
grandma's so pissed about her rug
that's okay she's got a case of hugs

and she has a license to drive
in mafia she's rarely alive
at scrabble she never skips a beat
and plays the piano with her feet

so you should meet our precious katy t
just look for the girl playing clue and eating cheese
then in life you'll have no regret
unless you don't tip her and she spits in your la baguette

mangrove swamps have feelings too

sean mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

at long last...

sean song (mp3)

he's the biggest thai i've ever seen
washed his dry socket with listerine
gets mentally jacked to go and pump some weight
he wants to look like marky mark someday
getting up at 10's not late
eggs on gabby as she humps poor tate
cuts hair better than any mortgage broker i've known
and he is scared of garden gnomes
he loves boston cream pie

when fully tanned he makes kenyans look quite pale
if he's not in church then he's down the street in jail
he has a movie for each day of the year
and in internet checkers he has no peer
he'll beat you in tennis 6 games to love
and the loser has to buy him a sub
he doesn't have leprosy
though if you saw his toe you wouldn't agree
he loves boston creme pie

candace

candace mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

candace's song mostly revolves around lunch earlier in the day at crackerbarrel and dressing up to see pirates of the carribean. and yes, lunch at crackerbarrel makes for good song topics. the theme of 'why' in the song is due to her high pitched asking of why which we always poke good fun at her for.

candace song (mp3)

why does she love the tea cafe
and not give her kittens a spay
why does she wear a pirate patch
her car so full the belts won't latch
why when wet must she her ears cover
and date a guy that's her brother
why is she lighter than tungsten
and barf and puke when she eats onion

why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why does she ask why
oh why
why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why
oh why

why does she buy discounted hoodies
and try on oversized puma goodies
why do her toenails look like flowers
nibble her dumplings no she devours
why does she hang upside down from pools
and wear tattoos instead of jewels
why is her checkbook never achin'
'cause babysittin' brings home the bacon

why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why does she ask why
oh why
why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why
oh why
oh why
oh why

mars declared denser than hamburger

tyler mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

still re-learning html... you can download the mp3s now... and i'll explain some of the lyrics within the songs... just made this one for tyler

tyler song (mp3)

he is breaking hearts up and down the coast
his touch is more tender than a succulent rump roast
i never thought that in this life i'd see perfection
and i guess i never will if he's caught a tetanus infection
with his grass stained mowing shoes
and osu hat
i'd never recognize him without that
oh tyler text me yo

his deep voice could rattle the swedish off his car
and shooting a 65 front 9 for him is really par
i've never seen a man pop candied apples like they're cashews
or drive halfway to mexico just to see dave matthews
growing kostliche trauben
on a german farm
i can't believe i ever brought him harm
i didn't mean to give him mono

the sliding filament theory... debunked!

michelle h mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

birthday song for my little sister michelle from june. she's young so of course that means i had to make it sound like the end of the world. and she loves shoes. we used to sit around with that 20questions electronic ball that seems to know everything. someone suggested to try "colostomy bag" which did stump it though it gave the respectable solution "diaper". think that pretty much sets it up. oh, and everyone go to freddy's frozen custard... their burgers and fries are delectable.

michelle h's song (mp3)

i can't believe that you're turning twenty-six
that's a third of the way to floating down the river styx
we can all see your gray hairs are turning white
and when you close your eyes you can see the tunnel of light
but it will be all right, it will be all right

so when you're out shopping for your thirty birthday shoes
and purses sporting dooney, bourke, coach, louis, and kors
be careful that your walker doesn't snag your portable iv
ask 20q what punctured? he'll say bag of colostomy
and it was full of pee, it was full of pee

so have a happy birthday
i hope that it goes well
have a happy birthday
our little michelle
have a happy birthday
please do not feel sad
just because you're older
isn't really all that bad

senile dementia and alzheimer's the diagnosis
you're one step closer to menopause and osteoporosis
but although another year has come and it has gone
just be glad that you are not nearly as old as sean
'cause he hasn't got long, no he hasn't got long
happy birthday

cara song

cara mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

last one today... more refuge stuff from a few weeks back. tried to create a song that is half typical love song cliches and half whatever the opposite of that would be. if you listen (not so) carefully you can hear tate bark halfway through. here it goes.

cara song (mp3)

and when she's there
you'll feel complete
so chic and debonair
audrey hepburn could not beat

and when she smiles
your heart will melt
her skin is as soft
as a freshly slaughtered mink's pelt

and when she laughs
your spirits will lift
her hair extension color choice
is not a knack it's a gift

but if she cries
you must hold her near
one look in those brown eyes
could turn a straight girl queer

and when she sings
life's troubles seem okay
it's aac
not getting that gta

and if she'll dance
you'll feel true bliss
all around are entranced
infused with life like sleeping beauty's kiss

and she has friends
with androgynously named roommates
but even they
can't stop her from microwaving plastic plates

and when she does marry
many a man's hopes will be fraught
she makes halle berry
look like a pile of snot

kevin song

kevin mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

song made the night before kevin left for the air force. he played the drums and was an auto mechanic and a master of win lose or draw. that's probably all you need to know to enjoy this one.

kevin song (mp3)

you have pummeled us in football
and in eating contests too
you looked real hot in pink
and in your christmas muumuu
when you're drawing baseball
you giggle like a chick
but if you do that in the air force
they will drop you like a brick

you beat the skins like custer
'til he blew his little [big] horn
and you diagnosed my chevy
when the ac belt was worn
you shake our cars with glass packs
and wear your cuffs out on your sleeves
hey now wait a minute
you're a quarter japanese?

oh little kevin
i miss you already
yes it's true
but someone's gotta save the world
from al-qaeda
koala bears and kangaroos
oh kevin i can't believe you're gone
it seems like only yesterday
that i wrote you this song
oh wait that was today

what's the deal with these short high pitched songs?

i think the whole thing came about in tulsa when i made a song for tony asking john walls (the anchor at ch. 2) to ask tony to go to the zoo with me. i liked that the worst software you could use to put songs on a computer (windows sound recorder) initially limits you to 60 seconds of recording time. i also enjoyed recording on the worst medium i could find and so i recorded in mono in one take on a digital voice recorder. i'm pretty sure it's illegal to not play back voice recorders in high speed so that's where that came from. plus my attention span is so short 60 seconds is about all i can take before my mind wanders.

melissa song

melissa mp3 hosted by www.clickcaster.com

this song is the 10th in the refuge series and is about melissa. i didn't have a pick so i tore a listerine breath strip package in two and used that to play with. then i listened to it 84 times in a row.

melissa song (mp3)

oh little melissa
you're not just sarah's baby sister
you're a silly special way smart beauty
what a rad ol' chick
and in everything that i do
i try my best to emulate you
but i always fail
'cause in comparison i pale

oh little melissa
when you're in okc we miss ya
so quit that rewarding job
those kids can make it on their own
you can stay home with your parents
saving money on food and rent
until you're dr. meeks
and you can cure those kids' disease